Are You Looking For Guidance In Searching For Your Birth Parents Or Birth Child?
Maybe you were adopted as a child, and now that you’re older you’re struggling to define your sense of self and identity. Or you may feel a lack of belonging with your adoptive family because you don’t know your full background story. At the same time, you might have concerns that searching for your birth parents will hurt your adopted parents or family. You know your family cares for you, but you still have questions: who are your birth parents? Why were you placed for adoption? And what is your medical history?
On the other hand, you may have placed your child for adoption and now you want to know if they have a good life with a loving family? It may be that you’re ready to confront feelings of guilt or fear about the painful decision you had to make, but you aren’t sure what steps you can or should take in trying to find your adopted child. Or maybe you’ve never shared this part of your history with anyone and worry about how you will handle things if your child searches for you and wants to connect.
Whether you want to learn more about your birth parents, see what life is like for your child, or even try to reconnect, chances are you have questions about how to move forward. Thankfully, an adoption counselor can help you navigate the process of finding information about your birth parents or adopted child so you can proceed in a way that is best for you and for them.
It’s Normal To Question Who You Are Or How Your Child Is Doing
Adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents commonly experience problems during and long after the adoption process. As an adopted child, you may feel like a piece of your background is missing. Maybe you were asked to complete a family tree at school and felt alienated when you didn’t know all the answers. Making things more difficult, you might have been adopted from another country and feel like you lost a part of your birth culture as well as a relationship with your birth parents. And every time you go to the doctor and they ask about your family history, you’re reminded of this gap in your history.
As a birth parent, you may have just as many questions but feel hesitant to search for answers. What if your child has a good life and doesn’t want to hear from you? Do they even know they were adopted? Alternately, you may have important health information you want to share with your birth child. Or maybe you want to thank the adopted parents for raising the child and giving them a loving home. You want to fill in the gaps in your and your child’s life story, but a part of you wonders if now is the right time. Are you ready? Are they?
Fortunately, an adoption counselor can help you emotionally prepare for what you might find as you search for your birth parents or child. With the right guidance, you can establish a healthy awareness and boundaries that will support everyone’s continued wellbeing.
Search And Reunion Counseling Can Help You Fill In The Gaps In Your Life Story
Sometimes we all need a little guidance and support as we search for answers. As an adult adoptee who has searched for and found my own birth parents, I know how stressful the process can be. Looking for additional information about your family—and deciding whether or not to reconnect (and how you can do so safely and respectfully)—isn’t easy.
That’s why I foster a warm and welcoming environment where you can share your story without fear of judgment or criticism. I meet you where you are at in your journey, whether you are just starting to look for more information or you have questions about when and if you should try to build a relationship with your birth parents or child. Or maybe you have a plan in place and just want a second opinion about how it sounds and what you should do next. I can help you process your feelings around each of these issues.
I offer unconditional support throughout the search and reunion process. If you are a birth parent or adult adoptee, our first sessions will allow you the opportunity to explore your sense of loss, identity issues, or challenges you may be experiencing. If you’re looking for your biological parents or child, I’ll help provide the emotional support you may need during and after the search while being aware of and respecting the concerns of the adoptive family. If you have already found your birth parent or your birth child, and need help reconnecting, I can help you both develop the skills needed to know each other better so that you can start to build a healthy relationship.
I have over ten years of experience helping adult adoptees and biological parents emotionally prepare as they search for information and make a possible reconnection. Having been through the process in my own life, I know how difficult this work can be and how you must learn to accept what you may or may not find. I also know how fulfilling and exciting it can be to find new information and put the pieces of your story together.
You may have questions about finding your birth parents or adopted child…
I’d like to meet my birth child I placed for adoption, but I’m afraid.
I can help you work through feelings of fear, guilt, and shame about searching for and possibly meeting your birth child. If your child is open to meeting you, I can help you formulate a safe plan that includes details about how you’d each like to move forward. My goal is to help you navigate this emotionally difficult process and create a plan to start developing a healthy relationship with your child (or to accept their decision, if they are unwilling to meet).
I don’t feel like I have the right to interfere with this person’s life—other people in their life may not know anything about me.
I’d encourage you not to make any decisions until you feel confident you know what the right one is. I can help you get the background information you need and really explore how you feel before deciding whether or not to seek a possible reunion.
I’m afraid of what I will or won’t find—what if I’m rejected again?
Seeking out your birth parents or child isn’t a sprint. It’s about going slow in order to process and understand their feelings and needs as well as your own. In some cases, you might feel better just learning about them, and you won’t feel a need to make contact. Other times you may want to build a relationship. Sometimes the other person won’t want the same relationship that you do. Our work together is about knowing what you want and preparing yourself for what could happen so you can accept the outcome, regardless of what you find.
You Can Find The Information You Need To Reconnect—Or Move On—With Greater Confidence
If you’re ready to work with an experienced adoption counselor to find and possibly reconnect with your birth parents or adopted child, I invite you to call me at 503-927-9194 for a free 15-minutes consultation